EGG BEATERS

Sometimes, when we least expect it, our minds will drift off to a time and place where something hilarious happened that brought a smile to our faces. Of course, if you happen to be sitting in a doctor’s office and that thought crosses your mind, you let out a somewhat low audible laugh that causes the older lady sitting next to you, with her arm in a sling, to wince your way with puzzled eyes and a look of distain. At this point, you can’t just run through the story with this stranger, as it is quite the combination of lengthily bizarre events and even more funny side splitting anecdotes.

As I sat there in the physician’s waiting room, my eye caught a glance of a photograph on the wall. It was a picture of one of the doctors holding up a plaque, with I am guessing his kid in the background being awarded for some swimming trophy at a local pool. That conjured up this wonderful old memory about a swimming pool and some really loud obnoxious guest, who for some strange reason brought smiles and laughter to a lot of people… me!

So, here is the story of “Egg Beaters”.

For those who don’t know the water aerobics maneuver called “egg beaters”, it’s basically being in a sitting position in the water, and then using one leg at a time, moving it in a circular pattern towards the other leg like an old fashioned “egg beater”.

I had a usual routine on Tuesday and Thursday evenings for years.  Right after work, I would rush over to the Utah Park community pool and join my regular friends for a healthy, invigorating and fun-filled hour of water aerobics.  This community pool, located in my small town of Aurora, was part of the adjoining high school, so it was quite popular with the H.S. kids, as well as many local adults, their kids, and seniors.

As with most swim night meetings, I could always count on at least four of my favorite people to show up:  our instructor Gail and my best friends Maggie, Susan and Rose. Some people dubbed us four as the waterlogged rat pack of the class. 

I provided the music.  I put together a varied assortment of different playlists from my iPod, making sure that there were both intense heavy duty dance songs, along with some easier, less forceful selections that allowed for what I called “cool-down” interludes.  Some days we would put on country western music, and some days we played 50’s and 60’s themed songs. After all, most of the clientele were over 60, so they could relate to that era. After going through about three different “boom boxes”, some of which didn’t last even long enough for the warranty to expire, I found a nice, well-made waterproof unit that provided plenty of volume when needed and ran on rechargeable batteries, to keep from having to set up electrical cables near the pool, which was sometimes a safety hazard. 

Gail was a retired schoolteacher, having taught both special needs students and middle school students as well.  She was a rather soft-spoken woman and very even tempered. Sometimes that was a downfall of hers, when trying to reign in a somewhat rowdy group of 15 or more seniors who just loved to chatter away all at once, with little regard for heeding her instructional orders. Still, she kept her cool and tried her best to maintain discipline.

Gail, Maggie and Len at Water Aerobics

Our little entourage of misfits, the rat pack, was equally accountable for ignoring our fearless leader.  You see, at that time the British TV series “Downton Abby” was airing on Sunday evenings, and by the following Tuesday evening, everyone was overly excited to give their two cents worth of criticism about the show to all the other Brit-loving, series watching aerobics patrons. 

“Oh my God,” Maggie said, “did you see how Ms. Patmore was treating Daisy while making the bread pudding for Lady Mary’s special luncheon? Susan added, “Oh, and how Carson was scolding Thomas for mismatching his lordship’s ascots on that evenings dinner jacket?” Of course, Rose couldn’t wait to interject and point out that while Lady Grantham was in the study having afternoon tea with Cora Crawley, Anna was cleverly hiding behind the heavy drawing room draperies, eavesdropping, and now knows one family secret that can never be revealed.

 “Everyone grab your noodles and dumb bells!” Gail would shout out.  For some, that order landed on deaf ears.

We four were so caught up in the lives of the Crawleys and Granthams that we simply ignored poor Gail shouting, as if we were a group of petulant schoolkids being totally disrespectful of their teacher. 

As the class period wore on, more and more school-age kids would arrive to play and swim in the two other pools within the building. The more kids, the more noise, and thus the music would need to be turned up more and Gail’s voice commands would need to be amplified as well.  As I mentioned, she didn’t have much of a boisterous presence to begin with, so she would enlist me to assist.  Of course, once all of the Downton gossip had been exchanged, we would finally pay a little more attention to the class.

I would stand next to Gail while she shouted out the next movement exercise, “Jumping Jacks!” and then I would repeat it as loud as I could. The group would get moving, and there would be a lot more splashing and laughing (picture drowning monkeys), and this would continue until the next command.  With each new exercise, the class would get engaged, and with just the right music to accompany the exercise, the class would move in a somewhat uniform fashion.  I say “somewhat uniform” with a smirk on my face!

But the one command that got the most attention was this one: Gail would yell out, “Egg beaters everyone!” and then I would repeat, “EGG BEATERS!!!” at the top of my lungs.  Everyone would just start laughing, including all the kids at the furthest end of the pool who heard it as well.  For some reason, this one instruction and the way I yelled it would have everyone in stitches. It was always a highlight of our Tuesday and Thursday evening water aerobics classes. 

I continued to be Gail’s loudmouthed loudspeaker for at least two years. Unfortunately, I had to quit going to the pool due to a rotator cuff injury. 

Not long after, I had a small dinner party at my house and I invited my friends from the pool.  Dinner was great and the conversation was stimulating, but at the end of the evening Susan got up and asked if we could take a group picture.  “Of course,” I said, and they all stood in a semi-circle in front of the flatscreen TV.  Since I was the guest of honor, I sat in the front and center of the group. Just then, Susan walked over and grabbed her tote bag from the coffee table. She opened it up, pulled out a small piece of framed art and handed it to me. 

It was a picture of a handheld egg beater.   “We miss you,” they all said in unison.  I got all teary-eyed and thanked them.  That picture still hangs in my kitchen and I still get a smile every time I see it. 

Thanks for checking out my latest entry on my blog. I hope you enjoyed the story. Please make a comment so I know you’re still out there subscribing, reading and having a chuckle or two. Thanks so much and see you next time.

Lenny