Size, and other Options!

Okay, I know some of you who are reading this blog entry will immediately go to the obvious connotation of what the title is all about. So, let’s get it out of the way. Yes, size does matter in a lot of important things in life, but sex aside, there are way more interesting things about the choices we make. I’m going to touch on just a few of them.

I was recently standing in line at the grocery store behind an older couple. The guy was holding a cup of coffee, you know the kind, with the green two-tailed mermaid on it. He was mentioning to his wife Martha about what a task it was just to get a cup of coffee from the staff person. “First he asked me to choose between 30 different blends and he started naming the various countries where the beans came from. Then he asked me if I liked the Sumatran blend, or the Nicaraguan blend, or if I preferred the Veranda mixed with the Pike Peak deep roast, and continued with the Komodo, French, or Espresso blends. And when he finally had to stop to refill his lungs with air, I stopped him after the next few words so that he wouldn’t have a cerebral aneurysm right there on the spot. “Martha”, the old guy continued, “it was exhausting. I just wanted a damned cup of regular American Joe. Why must there be so many choices? Finally, we agreed on the House blend and then he proceeded to introduce me to the different sizes and options. It went like this — ‘Well sir, we have that in regular caffeine, decaff, half-caff, and double caff.’ I murmured the word ‘regular’ but it didn’t stop there. ‘What size would you like sir?'” The now exasperated man went on to his wife, “I was just dreading what kind of fresh hell he was going to put me through to make a decision about the size of the cup, and sure enough, it went completely off the rails from there. The barista took another long breath and, as if reading the preamble to the Constitution, he continued on. Mind you, I was expecting the usual American cup sizes, but then he said, ‘Well, we have the Short, which is 8 ounces, but for hot drinks only, and then we have the Tall, which is our 12 ounce size, which you can get either hot or cold, and then we have the Grande, which is our most popular size, coming in at 16 ounces, our Venti which is all the rage in Florence, Italy, at an outstanding 20 ounces, and that too can be either a hot or cold drink, and finally our amazing Trenta, which unfortunately is a cold drink only size, amassing an extra tall 30-ounce cup.” By this time, Martha was in a deep sleep, leaning up against the rack of chewing gum and mints, and barely listening to anything her husband had to say.

I understand that offering variety is a means of capturing a larger share of a market these days, but let’s face it, it is sometimes mind-boggling. Take toilet paper. I remember back in the day, when you went to the store to get some T.P. and you had a few brands to choose from — Scott, White Cloud, Coronet and Kleenex. They all had the same size roll back then, but one company had to be a little different and sold T.P. in colors like pink and green, to “go with your bathroom decor”. Yeah, that was exciting!

Let’s face it, T.P. has only one use and we shouldn’t have to have a marketing degree to buy it. But we do. Just go down the T.P. aisle in the supermarket and start looking at your choices for buying it. You’ll find that the packages of toilet paper vary greatly, with common household types like standard rolls, double rolls, mega-rolls, and super-mega rolls, with each one containing a different number of sheets, often described as “equivalent” to a certain number of standard rolls. Once you get past the roll size, then you have to check both the total sheet count and the square footage listed on the label for the true ply (thickness) value, and sheet dimensions to make sure you’re truly getting your money’s worth of shit-paper. Sorry, I’m getting pissed just writing this.

I could go on and on about the absurdity of the number of different products on the market that could cause you to simply lose your ever-loving sanity, but I’ll end with vitamins and supplements. Go into any pharmacy or natural foods market, and prepare to be amazed at the vast number of types of vitamins and nutritional supplements that are available to you. They have a vitamin for just about any ailment you could conjure up, any disease you could muster, and just about any affliction your body could contract. And not just one type of them, because that would make it too easy to choose.

Doctors will often tell you that you’re lacking iron, or calcium, or vitamin A, B, C, D, E or K. You need more magnesium, or omega-3s, or choline, or Co-Enzyme Q10, or antioxidants. Why, in the vitamin B category alone, there are no less than 30 different types, sizes, and doses, not to mention pill type, such as tablets, capsules, gummys or liquids, and then added herbal extracts and other bizarre nutrients you never heard of. It’s overwhelming to say the least. Why don’t the doctors just tell you to eat more vegetables and fruits? That’s how our ancestors survived! Well, it’s easier for them just to prescribe a pill. That’s why.

I liked it better when I could go into W.T. Grant’s or K-Mart and pick out a T-shirt and choose from the three available sizes… small, medium or large, and it came in black, white or blue. I liked it better when I went to Burger Chef, and ordered a meal that came with a regular hamburger, regular-sized fries and a soft drink. I liked it better when I didn’t have to choose between a 6-cup, 8-cup, 10-cup, drip, espresso, or French-press coffee maker, and I liked it better when I could purchase a bag of plain old potato chips, or a bottle of coke, and there were hardly any decisions to be made in the process. In case you didn’t notice, the snack and chip aisle in the grocery store takes up at least 2 football fields in length nowadays.

I liked growing up and having just two cereals to choose from in the morning — Cheerios or Corn Flakes. I liked putting on my one pair of black shoes in the morning, that I wore for almost every activity during the day. As a growing kid, I decided that I could survive without having the latest video game to play after school, or having a second black-and-white television set in my bedroom. Perhaps, today we want more, because we have much more offerings to choose from than we had in the past. And let’s face it, most of us are just plain spoiled having such vast varieties of things available to us now days.

So, today, I still live by that old adage, that less is more.

Thanks again for reading my blog. I hope I’ve entertained you enough to subscribe. I appreciate any comments you make on my stories as they help me to develop and write about the things you love best. So, go ahead make suggestions, they are always appreciated.

Till next time,

Caio!

Lenny